i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
