He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
