the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
