I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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