We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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