just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
