i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize