I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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