i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
