i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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