do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
