I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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