why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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