And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
