Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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