a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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