My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
