It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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