mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize