I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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