your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
50% drunk capacity currently
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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