I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
