we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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