you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
