doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We have started to decorate penises.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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