it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
