Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
