it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
