he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
