hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
