i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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