YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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