Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
