my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
