Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize