and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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