hotel room ftw
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
