I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
