if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
