just tell him i said nine months
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
