My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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