well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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