so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
