I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
