When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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