Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
