Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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