you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize