No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize