I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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