Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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