Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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