he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
