I have demons in me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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