The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
