i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
