I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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