Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
