you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize