I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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